The Four Leaved Clover

Back in grade 3 when I was in Canada, we used to have a lush green playground right in front of our school Westmount Public School, in London, Ontario. Lush green when it didn't snow, that is. And then there were clovers. 3 leaved. 4 leaved. I was told by my classmates that plucking out a 4 leaved clover would bring luck. Legend goes, that the four leaves stand for faith, hope, love and luck. And they are found with a probability as low as 0.0004 (sorry about the nerd-ish insight).

As "luck" would have it, I'd always end up finding up a 4 leaved clover whenever I searched for it. Guess I have always been lucky. Now that I look back, I absolutely cannot deny how lucky I have been in so many situations. How lucky I have been to have escaped an incredible load of turmoil, how things always changed for the better. How if I hoped for something, it would always happen.

I worry a lot these days. Fret that things aren't going the way I planned them. Obsess over the smallest issues. Guess I need to find that 4 leaved clover soon. But I guess the 4 leaved clover was only ever, a symbol, a metaphor.

If I was always obsessed about finding those clovers, I guess I never would have found them. I just happened to find them, at the right place, at the right time. Of course, going by the probabilistic approach, I should have checked out 2,500 clovers to have found at least one, but that too would have given no guarantee.

Guess I'm doing it wrong right now. So I'm gonna take inspiration from my 8 year old self now. Let's see how that turns out.

Out of the Blue

There are so many things that we do, out of the blue. I decided to take yet another stroll to figure out stuff. It's amazing how thoughts just come together, and everything starts making sense, when you are on your own. It's also funny how people find it tough to digest that I can go for a movie on my own and have fun. In fact it's one of the best experiences I've had.

So today, I had to go for a walk, as usual. Only, I carried along my book and a pen. It's just easier to write things in one place, while you're on a go. But there aren't many places to sit and write in my colony, sadly. Today, I had limited options. I could perch myself above drain no. 1 or drain no.2 or drain no.3 or the football ground outside my junior college. Needless to say, I picked the last option.

All the while, onlookers passed by, baffled at my presence. Sadly I was also wearing a department tee which proclaimed my name outright loud. So I guess I've finally created a name for myself in colony. Yay.

There are so many places in my colony that I continually miss out on. There are just too many childhood memories that I have over here. I've always had a problem with saying no. So when I was younger, if someone asked me to accompany and drop them till their homes, I'd actually do so. Of course, I was naive.

In ways, I have traversed my entire colony at least once. I still miss travelling through trains though. My train pass is valid till 26th July, so I can actually make use of it and go to Vashi at least. In fact, all the travelling has become so ordinary and habitual, I have no qualms walking 2 kms all the way to Mankhurd station nowadays, which takes a good 30 mins, and then from there to Vashi, via Mumbai Local.

Train journeys feel endless. Sadly, I just can't come up with great endings these days, either. But then, I've said before, I guess it's the journey that matters more. More on that. Later.

Something "Exclusive"

Okay, so my mentor in Youth Ki Awaaz has assigned each of us, the job of coming up with some exclusive story that we want to publish by the end our internship period (btw my articles have been published on the website already! :D). Some "sting operation" or some "problems in locality" or some "exclusive interview" to give us a "real taste of journalism". Only after that shall our internship be considered "complete". Fair enough. Point is, I have simply no idea. "Sting operation" is ruled out simply cause I don't care enough. "Exclusive interview" of some highly reputed person? Not sure. But here's what I have always wanted to do. It's "Youth Ki Awaaz" isn't it? But how many of us "youth" have the opportunity to express it?

A lot of stories around, waiting to be heard. And a lot more waiting to be spawned ;-)

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

So today begins of a great note. It's raining outside. Great weather! And I so want to go to Marine Drive. I will definitely, one of these days.

I received a mail from my mentor in YKA saying that my writing is very fluent and it makes for reader friendly articles. I couldn't have hoped for a better comment. The author dream, is so on now. I thank my Mommy for instilling the belief. But the deadlines for writing articles keep getting shorter and shorter. Wonder how I'll juggle my L&T work as well as this. And of course, the other things as well.

Suddenly, the perks of being a wallflower outweigh everything else that was trying to bring me down. It's a beautiful essence that keeps me going, further and further.

I can finally say that things are going the way I wanted them to go, well, except that one thing that never fails to fail. But I'll find a way around that too.

As for today... rest assured, it's going to be a great day!

The Fine Line Between Introversion and Extraversion

When I was a kid, I used to be an introvert. I had very few friends. I had been to Canada in 3rd standard (or 3rd grade as they would call it) and I practically had no friends over there. I would go where the crowd went. The culture over there was so open, it used to be overwhelming. Imagine 3rd graders playing spin-the-bottle. Yeah, weird. And they used to have these clichéd gangs which would bitch about the other.

Then there used to be 'loners' like me around too. There used to be this book kids would popularly issue from the library. I Spy. So you could spot guys sitting all alone under maple trees reading and fiddling with those books. And when it would snow, we'd make snow angels on the snow that would cover the street (I don't think I need to explain how that's done).

There used to be this marathon event that they'd organize every month. And for every lap covered, our Miss would give us an extra candy or something. And I'd run as many laps as possible. I loved running alone. I've always loved running. And I've always loved being alone. And till date, I do that. I guess that's when I realized, I was good at athletics. Later on in 6th standard, I joined the Advanced Coaching for Athletics in my school and represented my school back home, in Anushaktinagar.

I didn't really have many friends. But there used to be this guy who'd talk to me often. His name was Richard. I would barely remember the names of those guys in my class. I remember Foster cause that was the name of a popular beer. Richard was a nice guy. Never talked to him much. Back then I didn't even know what a crush was. Those smarty-pants third graders already had all their crush lists ready. They were so freaking grown up, it was hard to believe. Never mind, I was better than them at studies, so lite.

Anyway, they'd ask me who my crush was and I didn't even know what that meant, and I would have been mortified enough to ask them what it meant, so I'd keep quiet. And they'd say, "we already know. Richard".

And I'd say "okay", cause basically I'd never get it.

Back home too, I have always been an introvert. I never told the guy I had a "crush" on, about my feelings. I don't even talk to him anymore. And then I'd write articles. Loads of them. Since 5th standard, I think. I never had close friends to talk to about my feelings to. So I'd write.

I made three of the closest friends I have today, when I was in 9th standard. And we are in touch, thankfully. We became friends because we went revolting against a popular-bitchy-bunch of wannabe cool-brainless-idiotic group. Yeah those idiots who pose in F.R.I.E.N.D.S style and upload like thousand pics showing their togetherness and happiness. I'd tell them to get a life, but then I myself don't have one, so lite.

After coming to BITS, I had resolved to tell the guy I really liked a lot, about my feelings and I did. It's something I shall always be proud of cause I guess even he'll remember how difficult it was for me to confess it to him. It's a damn tough thing for an introvert to do.

So I opened up a lot after coming here. Embraced an all new culture. I can make friends more easily now. I can talk to strangers with ease. These are things that don’t come naturally to me. But I see people around do it, and I understand that it needs to be done.

I don't know if that makes me an extrovert. I would never like going to parties or letting my hair down for DJ nights. But I tried that over here and I liked it too.

It's not that I don't like these things, but I prefer not to do them. And then I get hugely attached to people I consider my close friends. I think that's weird. I never told my school friends about my school crush. But now, I'm more open. I guess I'm an Ambivert now. But I can't be surer. But I don't know if people should have a problem with that. I mean they could, and I would be in no position to change that. Frankly, this is the way I am. Subject to change. But I guess there are some things that'll never change. Like walking all alone, listening to my favourite music. Or reading a book (nowadays ebooks on my phone at railway stations :-|). Or cooking up some simple dish. Pretty much the life I want. And at the point that I realize this, I stop worrying about what others have to say about me.

Resistance is futile, so I'll prefer to go with the flow.

Bitch Please!

Okay. Long time. No time to write. Right.

First things first. This is still the age where bitching about people acts as a bonding agent. Sad, but true. Bitch about coworkers, your PS, PSD, nagging pseudo girlfriends, semi-non-existent boyfriends, the sun, electricity, your own existence, that barking dog on the street, petrol prices, 'Di's and 'Da's, this and that. Tweet it, post it... someway or the other share it. Or worse. Create a meme about it. :Facepalm:

Speaking of which, the all new internet slangs. Enriched vocabs, sarcasm attacks, 'acad's, screwed up acads. Pretty much sums up life. Sad?

Moving on to PS1 'diaries'. This being the third one, going by last count. Okay so L&T sounds awesome. Leading conglomerate, high cgpa cut offs, seemingly substantial on-going project in hands. Bitch Please!

If traveling through trains is hectic, waking up in the morning ever so inconvenient, falling asleep too early even more so convenient and rockets of rocket science being launched by rocket launcher every now and then, is not enough, it's a tad comforting to know that people have it worse. Yes, sympathy overpowers empathy. Sadists all around.

With cards getting smarter (their time of arrival not getting any shorter) and this Youth Ki Awaaz waiting to reach a thousand others, finally 'growing up' seems to be an applaudable if not a plausible option.

Go, yell. Yell 'Go'. Now in a loop. If you think you're making a fool out yourself, you're not alone. There's always a bigger fool. They keep getting bigger. Go, yell, a big one.

I guess I'll leave this train of thought here. It's the 4th of June, 2012 which is no significant date in any sense. Still I have a queer feeling that things are going to be a lot better than I expect them to be. Till then. So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Sometimes, when there are just too many things going on in your mind, it's best to let it all out. But only you know the best way to do that. So if someone really special hurts you, it's up to you whether you want to confront and accuse them for every damn wrong thing in your life. But trust me, it doesn't work that way. You won't feel relieved about it. It just adds on to your misery. It's not like you need to "pay them back" for every little thing they did to hurt you, more so, unknowingly. That leaves no difference between you and a certain bitch.

For a change, stop thinking about it. Take a break from all those wound up emotions. That state of mind when you feel like you are the most ill-fated person in the world. Yeah yeah. You deserve all the sympathy and love in the world. You are the one who needs to be understood. You are the centre of everyone's universe. Blah blah blah.

How good does that sound anyway? Well, it doesn't. Not to me, not to an outsider. All suffering, vain.

For a change, step outside. Take a quick walk. Or maybe a long one. Whatever works. Somethings are best thought through, while you're walking all alone, looking like a fool, in the middle of a seemingly empty street while the sun scorches up above. Maybe walk past a shop where they play those 90s songs from Hindi movies which always have the potential to crack me up. Glance at the best nature can offer. Try peaking into some random douche's room in the hostel right in front of you. Have all those faculty stare at you as if you are a terrorist let loose.

Things around us are so simple and straight. Yet we end up complicating them. And in all the complication, we fail to see things for what they really are. Instead we wear these thick dark black goggles. We think we look really cool doing so, but we just look like idiots. Plus the reduced visibility, lack of appealing appearance and this unnecessary need to brag about it.

Sometimes it's easier to find a solution when you look at the problem from a distance. When you scale yourself up, zoom out. Don't keep repeating yourself in a loop that only turns out to be a bigger and bigger cypher. Use the pent up energy and kick some ass. First bit of advice I got in Backstage. Never used it.

With quite some asses and aces to go, I guess I must start studying before Compre kicks my ass. Sigh. Random vocab. Such are days. I swear I'll get back in form for YKA.