The Fine Line Between Introversion and Extraversion

When I was a kid, I used to be an introvert. I had very few friends. I had been to Canada in 3rd standard (or 3rd grade as they would call it) and I practically had no friends over there. I would go where the crowd went. The culture over there was so open, it used to be overwhelming. Imagine 3rd graders playing spin-the-bottle. Yeah, weird. And they used to have these clichéd gangs which would bitch about the other.

Then there used to be 'loners' like me around too. There used to be this book kids would popularly issue from the library. I Spy. So you could spot guys sitting all alone under maple trees reading and fiddling with those books. And when it would snow, we'd make snow angels on the snow that would cover the street (I don't think I need to explain how that's done).

There used to be this marathon event that they'd organize every month. And for every lap covered, our Miss would give us an extra candy or something. And I'd run as many laps as possible. I loved running alone. I've always loved running. And I've always loved being alone. And till date, I do that. I guess that's when I realized, I was good at athletics. Later on in 6th standard, I joined the Advanced Coaching for Athletics in my school and represented my school back home, in Anushaktinagar.

I didn't really have many friends. But there used to be this guy who'd talk to me often. His name was Richard. I would barely remember the names of those guys in my class. I remember Foster cause that was the name of a popular beer. Richard was a nice guy. Never talked to him much. Back then I didn't even know what a crush was. Those smarty-pants third graders already had all their crush lists ready. They were so freaking grown up, it was hard to believe. Never mind, I was better than them at studies, so lite.

Anyway, they'd ask me who my crush was and I didn't even know what that meant, and I would have been mortified enough to ask them what it meant, so I'd keep quiet. And they'd say, "we already know. Richard".

And I'd say "okay", cause basically I'd never get it.

Back home too, I have always been an introvert. I never told the guy I had a "crush" on, about my feelings. I don't even talk to him anymore. And then I'd write articles. Loads of them. Since 5th standard, I think. I never had close friends to talk to about my feelings to. So I'd write.

I made three of the closest friends I have today, when I was in 9th standard. And we are in touch, thankfully. We became friends because we went revolting against a popular-bitchy-bunch of wannabe cool-brainless-idiotic group. Yeah those idiots who pose in F.R.I.E.N.D.S style and upload like thousand pics showing their togetherness and happiness. I'd tell them to get a life, but then I myself don't have one, so lite.

After coming to BITS, I had resolved to tell the guy I really liked a lot, about my feelings and I did. It's something I shall always be proud of cause I guess even he'll remember how difficult it was for me to confess it to him. It's a damn tough thing for an introvert to do.

So I opened up a lot after coming here. Embraced an all new culture. I can make friends more easily now. I can talk to strangers with ease. These are things that don’t come naturally to me. But I see people around do it, and I understand that it needs to be done.

I don't know if that makes me an extrovert. I would never like going to parties or letting my hair down for DJ nights. But I tried that over here and I liked it too.

It's not that I don't like these things, but I prefer not to do them. And then I get hugely attached to people I consider my close friends. I think that's weird. I never told my school friends about my school crush. But now, I'm more open. I guess I'm an Ambivert now. But I can't be surer. But I don't know if people should have a problem with that. I mean they could, and I would be in no position to change that. Frankly, this is the way I am. Subject to change. But I guess there are some things that'll never change. Like walking all alone, listening to my favourite music. Or reading a book (nowadays ebooks on my phone at railway stations :-|). Or cooking up some simple dish. Pretty much the life I want. And at the point that I realize this, I stop worrying about what others have to say about me.

Resistance is futile, so I'll prefer to go with the flow.