The Four Leaved Clover

Back in grade 3 when I was in Canada, we used to have a lush green playground right in front of our school Westmount Public School, in London, Ontario. Lush green when it didn't snow, that is. And then there were clovers. 3 leaved. 4 leaved. I was told by my classmates that plucking out a 4 leaved clover would bring luck. Legend goes, that the four leaves stand for faith, hope, love and luck. And they are found with a probability as low as 0.0004 (sorry about the nerd-ish insight).

As "luck" would have it, I'd always end up finding up a 4 leaved clover whenever I searched for it. Guess I have always been lucky. Now that I look back, I absolutely cannot deny how lucky I have been in so many situations. How lucky I have been to have escaped an incredible load of turmoil, how things always changed for the better. How if I hoped for something, it would always happen.

I worry a lot these days. Fret that things aren't going the way I planned them. Obsess over the smallest issues. Guess I need to find that 4 leaved clover soon. But I guess the 4 leaved clover was only ever, a symbol, a metaphor.

If I was always obsessed about finding those clovers, I guess I never would have found them. I just happened to find them, at the right place, at the right time. Of course, going by the probabilistic approach, I should have checked out 2,500 clovers to have found at least one, but that too would have given no guarantee.

Guess I'm doing it wrong right now. So I'm gonna take inspiration from my 8 year old self now. Let's see how that turns out.

Out of the Blue

There are so many things that we do, out of the blue. I decided to take yet another stroll to figure out stuff. It's amazing how thoughts just come together, and everything starts making sense, when you are on your own. It's also funny how people find it tough to digest that I can go for a movie on my own and have fun. In fact it's one of the best experiences I've had.

So today, I had to go for a walk, as usual. Only, I carried along my book and a pen. It's just easier to write things in one place, while you're on a go. But there aren't many places to sit and write in my colony, sadly. Today, I had limited options. I could perch myself above drain no. 1 or drain no.2 or drain no.3 or the football ground outside my junior college. Needless to say, I picked the last option.

All the while, onlookers passed by, baffled at my presence. Sadly I was also wearing a department tee which proclaimed my name outright loud. So I guess I've finally created a name for myself in colony. Yay.

There are so many places in my colony that I continually miss out on. There are just too many childhood memories that I have over here. I've always had a problem with saying no. So when I was younger, if someone asked me to accompany and drop them till their homes, I'd actually do so. Of course, I was naive.

In ways, I have traversed my entire colony at least once. I still miss travelling through trains though. My train pass is valid till 26th July, so I can actually make use of it and go to Vashi at least. In fact, all the travelling has become so ordinary and habitual, I have no qualms walking 2 kms all the way to Mankhurd station nowadays, which takes a good 30 mins, and then from there to Vashi, via Mumbai Local.

Train journeys feel endless. Sadly, I just can't come up with great endings these days, either. But then, I've said before, I guess it's the journey that matters more. More on that. Later.

Something "Exclusive"

Okay, so my mentor in Youth Ki Awaaz has assigned each of us, the job of coming up with some exclusive story that we want to publish by the end our internship period (btw my articles have been published on the website already! :D). Some "sting operation" or some "problems in locality" or some "exclusive interview" to give us a "real taste of journalism". Only after that shall our internship be considered "complete". Fair enough. Point is, I have simply no idea. "Sting operation" is ruled out simply cause I don't care enough. "Exclusive interview" of some highly reputed person? Not sure. But here's what I have always wanted to do. It's "Youth Ki Awaaz" isn't it? But how many of us "youth" have the opportunity to express it?

A lot of stories around, waiting to be heard. And a lot more waiting to be spawned ;-)

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

So today begins of a great note. It's raining outside. Great weather! And I so want to go to Marine Drive. I will definitely, one of these days.

I received a mail from my mentor in YKA saying that my writing is very fluent and it makes for reader friendly articles. I couldn't have hoped for a better comment. The author dream, is so on now. I thank my Mommy for instilling the belief. But the deadlines for writing articles keep getting shorter and shorter. Wonder how I'll juggle my L&T work as well as this. And of course, the other things as well.

Suddenly, the perks of being a wallflower outweigh everything else that was trying to bring me down. It's a beautiful essence that keeps me going, further and further.

I can finally say that things are going the way I wanted them to go, well, except that one thing that never fails to fail. But I'll find a way around that too.

As for today... rest assured, it's going to be a great day!

The Fine Line Between Introversion and Extraversion

When I was a kid, I used to be an introvert. I had very few friends. I had been to Canada in 3rd standard (or 3rd grade as they would call it) and I practically had no friends over there. I would go where the crowd went. The culture over there was so open, it used to be overwhelming. Imagine 3rd graders playing spin-the-bottle. Yeah, weird. And they used to have these clichéd gangs which would bitch about the other.

Then there used to be 'loners' like me around too. There used to be this book kids would popularly issue from the library. I Spy. So you could spot guys sitting all alone under maple trees reading and fiddling with those books. And when it would snow, we'd make snow angels on the snow that would cover the street (I don't think I need to explain how that's done).

There used to be this marathon event that they'd organize every month. And for every lap covered, our Miss would give us an extra candy or something. And I'd run as many laps as possible. I loved running alone. I've always loved running. And I've always loved being alone. And till date, I do that. I guess that's when I realized, I was good at athletics. Later on in 6th standard, I joined the Advanced Coaching for Athletics in my school and represented my school back home, in Anushaktinagar.

I didn't really have many friends. But there used to be this guy who'd talk to me often. His name was Richard. I would barely remember the names of those guys in my class. I remember Foster cause that was the name of a popular beer. Richard was a nice guy. Never talked to him much. Back then I didn't even know what a crush was. Those smarty-pants third graders already had all their crush lists ready. They were so freaking grown up, it was hard to believe. Never mind, I was better than them at studies, so lite.

Anyway, they'd ask me who my crush was and I didn't even know what that meant, and I would have been mortified enough to ask them what it meant, so I'd keep quiet. And they'd say, "we already know. Richard".

And I'd say "okay", cause basically I'd never get it.

Back home too, I have always been an introvert. I never told the guy I had a "crush" on, about my feelings. I don't even talk to him anymore. And then I'd write articles. Loads of them. Since 5th standard, I think. I never had close friends to talk to about my feelings to. So I'd write.

I made three of the closest friends I have today, when I was in 9th standard. And we are in touch, thankfully. We became friends because we went revolting against a popular-bitchy-bunch of wannabe cool-brainless-idiotic group. Yeah those idiots who pose in F.R.I.E.N.D.S style and upload like thousand pics showing their togetherness and happiness. I'd tell them to get a life, but then I myself don't have one, so lite.

After coming to BITS, I had resolved to tell the guy I really liked a lot, about my feelings and I did. It's something I shall always be proud of cause I guess even he'll remember how difficult it was for me to confess it to him. It's a damn tough thing for an introvert to do.

So I opened up a lot after coming here. Embraced an all new culture. I can make friends more easily now. I can talk to strangers with ease. These are things that don’t come naturally to me. But I see people around do it, and I understand that it needs to be done.

I don't know if that makes me an extrovert. I would never like going to parties or letting my hair down for DJ nights. But I tried that over here and I liked it too.

It's not that I don't like these things, but I prefer not to do them. And then I get hugely attached to people I consider my close friends. I think that's weird. I never told my school friends about my school crush. But now, I'm more open. I guess I'm an Ambivert now. But I can't be surer. But I don't know if people should have a problem with that. I mean they could, and I would be in no position to change that. Frankly, this is the way I am. Subject to change. But I guess there are some things that'll never change. Like walking all alone, listening to my favourite music. Or reading a book (nowadays ebooks on my phone at railway stations :-|). Or cooking up some simple dish. Pretty much the life I want. And at the point that I realize this, I stop worrying about what others have to say about me.

Resistance is futile, so I'll prefer to go with the flow.

Bitch Please!

Okay. Long time. No time to write. Right.

First things first. This is still the age where bitching about people acts as a bonding agent. Sad, but true. Bitch about coworkers, your PS, PSD, nagging pseudo girlfriends, semi-non-existent boyfriends, the sun, electricity, your own existence, that barking dog on the street, petrol prices, 'Di's and 'Da's, this and that. Tweet it, post it... someway or the other share it. Or worse. Create a meme about it. :Facepalm:

Speaking of which, the all new internet slangs. Enriched vocabs, sarcasm attacks, 'acad's, screwed up acads. Pretty much sums up life. Sad?

Moving on to PS1 'diaries'. This being the third one, going by last count. Okay so L&T sounds awesome. Leading conglomerate, high cgpa cut offs, seemingly substantial on-going project in hands. Bitch Please!

If traveling through trains is hectic, waking up in the morning ever so inconvenient, falling asleep too early even more so convenient and rockets of rocket science being launched by rocket launcher every now and then, is not enough, it's a tad comforting to know that people have it worse. Yes, sympathy overpowers empathy. Sadists all around.

With cards getting smarter (their time of arrival not getting any shorter) and this Youth Ki Awaaz waiting to reach a thousand others, finally 'growing up' seems to be an applaudable if not a plausible option.

Go, yell. Yell 'Go'. Now in a loop. If you think you're making a fool out yourself, you're not alone. There's always a bigger fool. They keep getting bigger. Go, yell, a big one.

I guess I'll leave this train of thought here. It's the 4th of June, 2012 which is no significant date in any sense. Still I have a queer feeling that things are going to be a lot better than I expect them to be. Till then. So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Sometimes, when there are just too many things going on in your mind, it's best to let it all out. But only you know the best way to do that. So if someone really special hurts you, it's up to you whether you want to confront and accuse them for every damn wrong thing in your life. But trust me, it doesn't work that way. You won't feel relieved about it. It just adds on to your misery. It's not like you need to "pay them back" for every little thing they did to hurt you, more so, unknowingly. That leaves no difference between you and a certain bitch.

For a change, stop thinking about it. Take a break from all those wound up emotions. That state of mind when you feel like you are the most ill-fated person in the world. Yeah yeah. You deserve all the sympathy and love in the world. You are the one who needs to be understood. You are the centre of everyone's universe. Blah blah blah.

How good does that sound anyway? Well, it doesn't. Not to me, not to an outsider. All suffering, vain.

For a change, step outside. Take a quick walk. Or maybe a long one. Whatever works. Somethings are best thought through, while you're walking all alone, looking like a fool, in the middle of a seemingly empty street while the sun scorches up above. Maybe walk past a shop where they play those 90s songs from Hindi movies which always have the potential to crack me up. Glance at the best nature can offer. Try peaking into some random douche's room in the hostel right in front of you. Have all those faculty stare at you as if you are a terrorist let loose.

Things around us are so simple and straight. Yet we end up complicating them. And in all the complication, we fail to see things for what they really are. Instead we wear these thick dark black goggles. We think we look really cool doing so, but we just look like idiots. Plus the reduced visibility, lack of appealing appearance and this unnecessary need to brag about it.

Sometimes it's easier to find a solution when you look at the problem from a distance. When you scale yourself up, zoom out. Don't keep repeating yourself in a loop that only turns out to be a bigger and bigger cypher. Use the pent up energy and kick some ass. First bit of advice I got in Backstage. Never used it.

With quite some asses and aces to go, I guess I must start studying before Compre kicks my ass. Sigh. Random vocab. Such are days. I swear I'll get back in form for YKA.

Superhero

I remember in 11^th standard, I used to go to Vidyarthi Academy. Deemed to be the best coaching class in town. It had this habit of targeting the best students from the BARC colony. So the best people from my colony (read: 10^th board toppers) were all in Vidyarthi (and they all swear, by the way, that they screwed up their JEE results BECAUSE of it). And somehow, I got in too. And then I somehow found myself in the Vidyarthi Top 40 batch (which did NOTHING for my JEE result). But it was an interesting batch to be in. It had the best among the best students. And they taught us all kinds of things that DIDN’T come in JEE. I still learnt a lot.

One thing was getting to meet newer people. And then to be treated like you are some highly intelligent person who knows-it-all. You were supposed to be the fastest and brightest. And those were the times when I actually would study. And try to emulate a superhero. 

To my friends, I was a superhero. My friends weren’t as good as I was at the JEE stuff. They were decent. And my dad always had to have a problem with my company. “Why can’t you find friends who’re smarter?” It’s like asking a kid to make friends with someone who’s rich cause it’s all about the money. How demeaning that used to be for me. I would never miss a chance to pull off my emotional-blackmail-cum-I’m-always-right role. It would never work. It still doesn’t work, damn.

And now I’m surrounded by the nerdiest of nerds. There are IEEE nerds, academic nerds, computer nerds, backstage nerds. And while I can hope my dad’s happy with my company, he’ll still not leave a chance to pin point how I’m not the best among them. Not the point.

You know how the superheroes were always the underdogs... And then they were almost never prepared to battle the super villains. There are a lot of super villains out here too. Most of them have ‘Dr’s attached, which makes them all the more dangerous (remember Dr. Octopus?)

Still, the superheroes do manage to save the world at the end, don’t they? Life at BITS is like living a superhero every single day. You don’t transform back to your normal self for 4.5 months at a stretch. And sometimes the super villains ensure that you don’t transform back even during your summer vacations. Sigh.

But while there’s no superhero who’ll rescue you from this, in the first place, all you can do is accept that you need to be awesome and save the world. And that the world won’t be able to do without you. And now I should stop sounding like Drake. However, it’s true. Be a narcissist. And be the superhero you always envisioned yourself to be (or whatever else you may want to be). You won’t regret it, trust me. And while it may get to you at times, you’ll get a lot back too. So try not to give up on it.

MATLAB matlab....?

Okay. A brain wave. Usually nicknames are a product of much though process, but this one just popped into my head and I'm going to use it anyway. Smart Potato. Yeah. Sounds weird. It's supposed to. Now the essence of introducing Smart Potato is that I have a newly created void that I need to fill, and this potato is pretty huge, literally. Segmentatia it says. The supermarket that sells Smart Potato. It's this hi-fi store where you can find out anything and everything about smart potatoes. Now Smart Potatoes are mighty expensive. Smart Potato is a patented product of a certain Richie rich. So getting a smart potato comes with a lot of costs. And you have to actually pay for it. However if you are doing a summer internship with a smart potato, you could just hope it gets baked enough and eats itself up so that you don't have to bother about being homicidal. Smart Potatoes, however have a peculiar advantage. Pros at MATLAB they are, apparently. Google for Smart Potato (ya i actually did that) and MATLAB is all i see. Okay yeah, there are some really weird pics that may end up haunting you for a while.

One may wonder what Smart Potato did to offend Hulk so much. Not much actually. So then why the big fuss over him anyway?

As i said, smart potatoes are very smart as far as MATLAB is concerned. That effectively means one could you such potatoes for one's own advantage. I don't know where the ideas of 'using' someone and taking 'advantage' of people are suddenly coming from, but who cares? Right now, I'm clearly out of my mind and words to justify anything. So lite.

Backstage Tips

#1. There's always one person who has 'creative inputs' and suggestions to offer in a meeting.
#2. There's always one person who thinks about how life sucks and that it's better to go to bogmalo and get drunk.
#3. There's always one person who does not think that life sucks and does not want to go to bogmalo to drink.
#4. There's always one person who does not want to go to bogmalo because he's bored of it.
#5. There's always one person who's bored of every other thing in life.
#6. There's always one person whose life sucks big time and still doesn't think he should go to bogmalo.
#7. There's always one person who sucks big time, but doesn't know how much he sucks.
#8. There's always one person who thinks he can get away with whatever he says.
#9. There's always one person who thinks what he's doing is right.
#10. There's always one person who'll kill to be a killjoy.
#11. There's always one person who turns into Hulk when she's angry.
#12. There's always one person who knows exactly what-not-to-say in every situation.
#13. There's always a ditsy blonde.
#14. There's always a friend of the ditsy blonde.
#15. There's always a person who likes ditsy blondes, hence making him a ditsy blonde.
#16. There's always a person who along with another person coined the term ditsy blonde in the first place.
#17. There's always some person who thinks he/she's got things in control.
#18. There's always a person who's got OCD.
#19. There's always a person who's got ADHD.
#20. There's always a person who thinks she's got every other mental illness.
#21. There's always a person, who in all probability IS mentally ill.
#22. There's always a person who'll argue over the difference between mental illnesses and mental disorders.
#22. There's always one person who thinks it is fair to avoid another person because he/she can't figure out his/her feelings.
#23.There's always a person who'll change over the time and not seem to like you at all.
#24. But there will also always be people who like you for who you are.
#25. And there are always people who help you figure out things about yourself.

We backstage guys (and girls) suck big time. General opinion, might I add. But we can be pretty cool if we wanted to. We screw with each other and everyone else dancing or not. That's just the way we are.

When Hulk Goes Green :|

A Murarka face isn't enough to show what goes on, in Hulk's mind when a mention of a certain girl comes to picture. Hulk hates hates hates it. When Hulk sees her, Hulk wants to sink through the floor. Hulk really doesn't want to hate her, but ends up hating her. Her and another one with a story similar to the one Hulk has with the person connecting Hulk with the aforementioned girl. Hulk really feels like pushing the second girl down the floor. Cause she made Hulk's mommy go blue. Hulk hopes to remain unaffected, but can't. Which makes Hulk go red. But Hulk will try level best to see purple elephants. And Hulk will overcome all evil.

How To Operate with a Humaniod - Part 1

My life, at present, is incomplete without the presence of a certain Humanoid, who has taken the world by a storm. Yeah, that was a very good joke. But if not that, he's definitely created storms.

Now dealing with humanoids is a lot tougher than dealing with friends, co-workers, family, seniors, subordinates, pets, servants, slaves, vendors, truck-drivers, third-rate teachers, babies, err... it's nothing like any of the above. It takes a hell lot of patience. And brain power, to be frank. The most complicated humanoid built on this planet, goes by the alias Drake, or more suitably, the transferred epithet: Humanoid.

When God was distributing emotions and the sense of feeling, this Humanoid was busy, say "reading a book (male Hermione)" or "installing linux (wonder how many times it has been till date)" or "studying (AND he calls ME a nerd)" or "watching a tv show (okay, that's reasonable)". If you point this out to him, he'll say "I'm an atheist, so what you are saying doesn't make sense. And it's not funny. And it seems like you've got too much time on hands. And it looks like too much hard work. AND (above everything else) I'm not really being rude." Sigh.

If there's something humanoids can't do, it's being rude. They never mean to be rude, but it incessantly appears that they are so. They're often misunderstood and hence alienated, which only works to an advantage because humanoids get their strength from solitude. That's how they recharge their 'batteries'.

Very often, they'll want you to leave them alone. At such a point, you actually should. Cause this humanoid already has an embedded neural network system which teaches him how to react in situations. He might be way off target the first time, but when trained with appropriate learning rates and weights which can be altered by backpropogation algorithm, he can prove to be some super-humanoid, after being trained in a supervised way. Plus the fact that he's already super-intelligent.

Moral of the story... since humanoids are a lot busier than they ought to be and don't want to listen to your recurrent nagging, they'll possibly not come across this article anyway, so you're free to share your opinions. What's more, is that this is an amazing way to make other under-privileged women around the globe, who face similar 'problems'. We can all join hands and get to know such species better. Dealing with humanoids may be tough. But not impossible. Especially when you 'like' your Humanoid so much.

TeamViewer ;)

Mommy Is Coming To Town!!!:D

I've missed my mommy so much, he's finally coming back on campus on 10th. For this event called TEDx. So just when I decided to get my life back on track, ob I needed my mommy to guide me through. After all, taking lite doesn't come naturally to me. I paradoxically have to work hard for it! In fact, studying hard is something that isn't coming to me naturally nowadays. Ob this poor little nerd queen is upset. But no worries. Mommy will sort it out for me.

It's pretty dissapointing how my crackling sense of humour isn't functioning till its maximum attainability. Like DJ Savvy says, I appear depressed. Sigh! If only people could understand. It's the calm before the storm ;) You can keep Angraste (yeah, that's my new nick..."the invincible one" ) away from awesomeness, but you can't keep awesomeness away from Angraste.

After all, mommy calls Hulk "fighter". Hulk fights all baddies. Hulk destroys them. And after everytime, Hulk comes out stronger than before. Hulk victorious. Hulk awesome. Just like mommy. \/

Strings and threads...

Someone I've completely forgotten to mention, in the hullabaloo is TheManager... or FacePalm as some would call him. Slicker options are PokerFace and TantPis. Well, those are just parts of his vocabulary. And a part of the not-so-lame version of him that hibernates whilst the storm blows over. Along with mommy and Froyo, he's a part of this all new set of friends that I've made recently, who've completely changed me into someone better.

Loads of fun stuff to share about FacePalm. Slanted roofs, the Mar- connection and half a dream. Bit of everything that fits into something different. Yet something same.

Lots of threads to extend, and strings to detach. In an entangled mess. Hope mommy guides us through.

The Revenge Of Shiro

Shiro's been facing severe problems in her marital life. So many, that she's been finding solace in drinking lots of coke, of late, which has been rendering her unstable (emotionally/mentally). In such a state of 'drunkenness', she proposed something far fetched and denotative of an 'evil' mind. She's apparently planned to kill her husband in consideration (she's got two, fyi), a la BDM, who goes by the name aka, with whom she's had major ego tussles since time immemorial. Surely, if someone needs a therapist, it's her.

How will this 'Ramayana' end? Will Seeta turn into Durga? Will aka be able to save himself from her wrath? Will aka be able to win her love back? Does aka even know about his marital status? Does aka know how deep Shiro's feelings are for him? Only time will tell...

A Dumbledore With No Glasses...

When Mickey transitioned into Dumbledore, I don't know. But then I didn't really 'know' the actually Mickey. Or shall I say 'Dumbledore'? If there's someone I actually (yeah, actually, with all conviction) consider as a brother figure, it's Dumbledore. In fact 'most' of us are indeed planning to try him a rakhi next rakshabandhan :P

Now there's a reason why I call Dumbledore Dumbledore. Firstly he's got white hair. So he's pretty old. He sees everyone through rose tinted glasses if not half moon glasses. He sees good in every single person (though he has a weird exception). And he's extremely kind and considerate. Will never try to hurt anyone if he can or even if he can't help it. He's _/\_.

He's still a Mickey somewhere... so we could call him Dumblekey or Mickledore at the risk of sounding lame... But then I always take that risk anyway :|

So cheers to Dumbledore. Hope he does well and keeps spreading happiness. He rocks \m/

When Saturn Started Orbiting Volini...

What copious amounts of Volini couldn't do for Volini, a certain Mr. Saturn has been trying to do for the past few days.

Now, we all  know how Volini's been suffering from severe leg pain... so severe, that it makes Saturn wail in pain when she refuses to accept any sort of 'support' from him :P Saturn empathises well. He would want to 'break a leg' just for Volini to show his support.

We know that in today's time, such an extent of caring, support, willingness to accompany everywhere (or in more realistic terms, stalking) and in general, sensitivity towards a person, means only one thing.

'Being a good friend!' C'mon, we aren't narrow minded at all! ;)

And We're Back...

Enough small talk, I say... Campus Alerts (I know it sounds lame) is going big. In an attempt to bring in all those interesting bits of news about my eccentric friends, from now on, this blog is completely dedicated to them...

So it's 2-2 already, and there's loads to talk about (as always), loads to make fun of and loads to ridicule. Let's not forget all the crass comments we're all subjected to in our day to day life. Agreed, life in BITS is tough. There are so many things that 'suck' according to some. To be frank, they actually do.

With a series of mishaps and serendipities in store. And lots more to bore... here goes...