Something "Exclusive"

Okay, so my mentor in Youth Ki Awaaz has assigned each of us, the job of coming up with some exclusive story that we want to publish by the end our internship period (btw my articles have been published on the website already! :D). Some "sting operation" or some "problems in locality" or some "exclusive interview" to give us a "real taste of journalism". Only after that shall our internship be considered "complete". Fair enough. Point is, I have simply no idea. "Sting operation" is ruled out simply cause I don't care enough. "Exclusive interview" of some highly reputed person? Not sure. But here's what I have always wanted to do. It's "Youth Ki Awaaz" isn't it? But how many of us "youth" have the opportunity to express it?

A lot of stories around, waiting to be heard. And a lot more waiting to be spawned ;-)

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

So today begins of a great note. It's raining outside. Great weather! And I so want to go to Marine Drive. I will definitely, one of these days.

I received a mail from my mentor in YKA saying that my writing is very fluent and it makes for reader friendly articles. I couldn't have hoped for a better comment. The author dream, is so on now. I thank my Mommy for instilling the belief. But the deadlines for writing articles keep getting shorter and shorter. Wonder how I'll juggle my L&T work as well as this. And of course, the other things as well.

Suddenly, the perks of being a wallflower outweigh everything else that was trying to bring me down. It's a beautiful essence that keeps me going, further and further.

I can finally say that things are going the way I wanted them to go, well, except that one thing that never fails to fail. But I'll find a way around that too.

As for today... rest assured, it's going to be a great day!

The Fine Line Between Introversion and Extraversion

When I was a kid, I used to be an introvert. I had very few friends. I had been to Canada in 3rd standard (or 3rd grade as they would call it) and I practically had no friends over there. I would go where the crowd went. The culture over there was so open, it used to be overwhelming. Imagine 3rd graders playing spin-the-bottle. Yeah, weird. And they used to have these clichéd gangs which would bitch about the other.

Then there used to be 'loners' like me around too. There used to be this book kids would popularly issue from the library. I Spy. So you could spot guys sitting all alone under maple trees reading and fiddling with those books. And when it would snow, we'd make snow angels on the snow that would cover the street (I don't think I need to explain how that's done).

There used to be this marathon event that they'd organize every month. And for every lap covered, our Miss would give us an extra candy or something. And I'd run as many laps as possible. I loved running alone. I've always loved running. And I've always loved being alone. And till date, I do that. I guess that's when I realized, I was good at athletics. Later on in 6th standard, I joined the Advanced Coaching for Athletics in my school and represented my school back home, in Anushaktinagar.

I didn't really have many friends. But there used to be this guy who'd talk to me often. His name was Richard. I would barely remember the names of those guys in my class. I remember Foster cause that was the name of a popular beer. Richard was a nice guy. Never talked to him much. Back then I didn't even know what a crush was. Those smarty-pants third graders already had all their crush lists ready. They were so freaking grown up, it was hard to believe. Never mind, I was better than them at studies, so lite.

Anyway, they'd ask me who my crush was and I didn't even know what that meant, and I would have been mortified enough to ask them what it meant, so I'd keep quiet. And they'd say, "we already know. Richard".

And I'd say "okay", cause basically I'd never get it.

Back home too, I have always been an introvert. I never told the guy I had a "crush" on, about my feelings. I don't even talk to him anymore. And then I'd write articles. Loads of them. Since 5th standard, I think. I never had close friends to talk to about my feelings to. So I'd write.

I made three of the closest friends I have today, when I was in 9th standard. And we are in touch, thankfully. We became friends because we went revolting against a popular-bitchy-bunch of wannabe cool-brainless-idiotic group. Yeah those idiots who pose in F.R.I.E.N.D.S style and upload like thousand pics showing their togetherness and happiness. I'd tell them to get a life, but then I myself don't have one, so lite.

After coming to BITS, I had resolved to tell the guy I really liked a lot, about my feelings and I did. It's something I shall always be proud of cause I guess even he'll remember how difficult it was for me to confess it to him. It's a damn tough thing for an introvert to do.

So I opened up a lot after coming here. Embraced an all new culture. I can make friends more easily now. I can talk to strangers with ease. These are things that don’t come naturally to me. But I see people around do it, and I understand that it needs to be done.

I don't know if that makes me an extrovert. I would never like going to parties or letting my hair down for DJ nights. But I tried that over here and I liked it too.

It's not that I don't like these things, but I prefer not to do them. And then I get hugely attached to people I consider my close friends. I think that's weird. I never told my school friends about my school crush. But now, I'm more open. I guess I'm an Ambivert now. But I can't be surer. But I don't know if people should have a problem with that. I mean they could, and I would be in no position to change that. Frankly, this is the way I am. Subject to change. But I guess there are some things that'll never change. Like walking all alone, listening to my favourite music. Or reading a book (nowadays ebooks on my phone at railway stations :-|). Or cooking up some simple dish. Pretty much the life I want. And at the point that I realize this, I stop worrying about what others have to say about me.

Resistance is futile, so I'll prefer to go with the flow.

Bitch Please!

Okay. Long time. No time to write. Right.

First things first. This is still the age where bitching about people acts as a bonding agent. Sad, but true. Bitch about coworkers, your PS, PSD, nagging pseudo girlfriends, semi-non-existent boyfriends, the sun, electricity, your own existence, that barking dog on the street, petrol prices, 'Di's and 'Da's, this and that. Tweet it, post it... someway or the other share it. Or worse. Create a meme about it. :Facepalm:

Speaking of which, the all new internet slangs. Enriched vocabs, sarcasm attacks, 'acad's, screwed up acads. Pretty much sums up life. Sad?

Moving on to PS1 'diaries'. This being the third one, going by last count. Okay so L&T sounds awesome. Leading conglomerate, high cgpa cut offs, seemingly substantial on-going project in hands. Bitch Please!

If traveling through trains is hectic, waking up in the morning ever so inconvenient, falling asleep too early even more so convenient and rockets of rocket science being launched by rocket launcher every now and then, is not enough, it's a tad comforting to know that people have it worse. Yes, sympathy overpowers empathy. Sadists all around.

With cards getting smarter (their time of arrival not getting any shorter) and this Youth Ki Awaaz waiting to reach a thousand others, finally 'growing up' seems to be an applaudable if not a plausible option.

Go, yell. Yell 'Go'. Now in a loop. If you think you're making a fool out yourself, you're not alone. There's always a bigger fool. They keep getting bigger. Go, yell, a big one.

I guess I'll leave this train of thought here. It's the 4th of June, 2012 which is no significant date in any sense. Still I have a queer feeling that things are going to be a lot better than I expect them to be. Till then. So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Sometimes, when there are just too many things going on in your mind, it's best to let it all out. But only you know the best way to do that. So if someone really special hurts you, it's up to you whether you want to confront and accuse them for every damn wrong thing in your life. But trust me, it doesn't work that way. You won't feel relieved about it. It just adds on to your misery. It's not like you need to "pay them back" for every little thing they did to hurt you, more so, unknowingly. That leaves no difference between you and a certain bitch.

For a change, stop thinking about it. Take a break from all those wound up emotions. That state of mind when you feel like you are the most ill-fated person in the world. Yeah yeah. You deserve all the sympathy and love in the world. You are the one who needs to be understood. You are the centre of everyone's universe. Blah blah blah.

How good does that sound anyway? Well, it doesn't. Not to me, not to an outsider. All suffering, vain.

For a change, step outside. Take a quick walk. Or maybe a long one. Whatever works. Somethings are best thought through, while you're walking all alone, looking like a fool, in the middle of a seemingly empty street while the sun scorches up above. Maybe walk past a shop where they play those 90s songs from Hindi movies which always have the potential to crack me up. Glance at the best nature can offer. Try peaking into some random douche's room in the hostel right in front of you. Have all those faculty stare at you as if you are a terrorist let loose.

Things around us are so simple and straight. Yet we end up complicating them. And in all the complication, we fail to see things for what they really are. Instead we wear these thick dark black goggles. We think we look really cool doing so, but we just look like idiots. Plus the reduced visibility, lack of appealing appearance and this unnecessary need to brag about it.

Sometimes it's easier to find a solution when you look at the problem from a distance. When you scale yourself up, zoom out. Don't keep repeating yourself in a loop that only turns out to be a bigger and bigger cypher. Use the pent up energy and kick some ass. First bit of advice I got in Backstage. Never used it.

With quite some asses and aces to go, I guess I must start studying before Compre kicks my ass. Sigh. Random vocab. Such are days. I swear I'll get back in form for YKA.

Superhero

I remember in 11^th standard, I used to go to Vidyarthi Academy. Deemed to be the best coaching class in town. It had this habit of targeting the best students from the BARC colony. So the best people from my colony (read: 10^th board toppers) were all in Vidyarthi (and they all swear, by the way, that they screwed up their JEE results BECAUSE of it). And somehow, I got in too. And then I somehow found myself in the Vidyarthi Top 40 batch (which did NOTHING for my JEE result). But it was an interesting batch to be in. It had the best among the best students. And they taught us all kinds of things that DIDN’T come in JEE. I still learnt a lot.

One thing was getting to meet newer people. And then to be treated like you are some highly intelligent person who knows-it-all. You were supposed to be the fastest and brightest. And those were the times when I actually would study. And try to emulate a superhero. 

To my friends, I was a superhero. My friends weren’t as good as I was at the JEE stuff. They were decent. And my dad always had to have a problem with my company. “Why can’t you find friends who’re smarter?” It’s like asking a kid to make friends with someone who’s rich cause it’s all about the money. How demeaning that used to be for me. I would never miss a chance to pull off my emotional-blackmail-cum-I’m-always-right role. It would never work. It still doesn’t work, damn.

And now I’m surrounded by the nerdiest of nerds. There are IEEE nerds, academic nerds, computer nerds, backstage nerds. And while I can hope my dad’s happy with my company, he’ll still not leave a chance to pin point how I’m not the best among them. Not the point.

You know how the superheroes were always the underdogs... And then they were almost never prepared to battle the super villains. There are a lot of super villains out here too. Most of them have ‘Dr’s attached, which makes them all the more dangerous (remember Dr. Octopus?)

Still, the superheroes do manage to save the world at the end, don’t they? Life at BITS is like living a superhero every single day. You don’t transform back to your normal self for 4.5 months at a stretch. And sometimes the super villains ensure that you don’t transform back even during your summer vacations. Sigh.

But while there’s no superhero who’ll rescue you from this, in the first place, all you can do is accept that you need to be awesome and save the world. And that the world won’t be able to do without you. And now I should stop sounding like Drake. However, it’s true. Be a narcissist. And be the superhero you always envisioned yourself to be (or whatever else you may want to be). You won’t regret it, trust me. And while it may get to you at times, you’ll get a lot back too. So try not to give up on it.

MATLAB matlab....?

Okay. A brain wave. Usually nicknames are a product of much though process, but this one just popped into my head and I'm going to use it anyway. Smart Potato. Yeah. Sounds weird. It's supposed to. Now the essence of introducing Smart Potato is that I have a newly created void that I need to fill, and this potato is pretty huge, literally. Segmentatia it says. The supermarket that sells Smart Potato. It's this hi-fi store where you can find out anything and everything about smart potatoes. Now Smart Potatoes are mighty expensive. Smart Potato is a patented product of a certain Richie rich. So getting a smart potato comes with a lot of costs. And you have to actually pay for it. However if you are doing a summer internship with a smart potato, you could just hope it gets baked enough and eats itself up so that you don't have to bother about being homicidal. Smart Potatoes, however have a peculiar advantage. Pros at MATLAB they are, apparently. Google for Smart Potato (ya i actually did that) and MATLAB is all i see. Okay yeah, there are some really weird pics that may end up haunting you for a while.

One may wonder what Smart Potato did to offend Hulk so much. Not much actually. So then why the big fuss over him anyway?

As i said, smart potatoes are very smart as far as MATLAB is concerned. That effectively means one could you such potatoes for one's own advantage. I don't know where the ideas of 'using' someone and taking 'advantage' of people are suddenly coming from, but who cares? Right now, I'm clearly out of my mind and words to justify anything. So lite.